Inner suffocation

I have an addiction that once allowed me to be function but now I've seemed to let it take over and I'm just stuck. Well i don't have enough will power. I'm smart, beautiful, wise, and care. This is what I give to society but to myself, I give death. I feel suffocated and I'm not sure who of my friends I can talk to. I mean any of them would love for me to talk to them instead of having my silence. I gab on everything else except what I hold in a prism or some of my true beliefs.

I'm not going full blown which I've never have but I'm not even at 60%. I smoke pot way to much and eat lots of food while becoming very anti-social. It's okay to not spend b/c ur broke but your ridiculous either way. School I haven't gone a sober day I think. ANd I'm doing pretty good but what if I wasn't smoking, how well might I be doing?