Where do i find the middle?

Yet , again I have chosen this path over and over again. Yesterday I pretty much quite my job. I have no money saved and will have to pay rent at the end of the month. My roommates are poor and I haven't told them yet. SO now I'm searching again for a new job. this comes at a time where other things in my life were getting in line. I decided to take a few classes again, I began volunterring at a communuty-member based radio station. But almost everything else in my life is chaotic, well maybe just my mind. My best-friend claire who I'm in love, she is straight and not in love with me. Knows how deeply I care about here. Has met a new friend, who since then has hung out with him everyday. He's kinda dorky but he's treats her really well and can afford to buy things for her. He has been a motivation to her, so she just purchased a new house. All since Halloween, we have not been hanging so much. I've had a lot depression and self-examination lately. I have been working out and trying to work on my body, making sure it's ready for the tremendous usage it will get in the future. ANyways November was really stressful, which is something I don't experience very much of.
My job is the best job I've ever had but it doesn't make me happy and very chovonistic. But time has went by and I managed but latley I've had lots of thoughts about quitting and looking actually for jobs in my area and that actually interest me and were I can grow at(inside). That not pot! he,he. Anyways I pretty much quit a lot of jobs bcuz they're not satisfying. Especially now where I feel I am worth more. Not just money but mind,body, and soul. Like I have somewhat of a understanding more than probably most americans. I feel really fortunate but it's a constant battle. Taking all the truth and lies and filtering . Mostly keeping the body open for truths.

What it comes down to is i search for the middle but i only feel rushed when the extremes are put into play. Like I see the grays but what's thrilling is the polar opposites. I am an Aries, I figure that has something to do with personality. I want to be more and I feel somewhat, stuck. This of course is all in my mind. . My roomates said something to me the otherday" see u are growing", it came at a time I was listening to a holiday song (chorus) like and I just let out emotion, my eyes just flowed pouring out . it just happend a intense touch of emotion, overwhelming, I can't say how ot felt.